Starting Over

Well its 5'ish in the morning and I am really tired. I have been up since 12 thinking a bought what I am going to have to go through later this morning. Every one knows that I have been really sick and weak, but I have been getting a lot better and stronger since I have been out of the hospital. I have been able to attend school, yay-god, and church (mostly). But the in tire time I’ve been out I knew that everything is not yet over. You see I have only been an out patient and now I have to go back. I have to go back because last time I was in the hospital I had to take an EEG test, but wile taking the test my eyes became very aggravated and I broke out into a panic attack because of all the pain in my eyes and my head. I was rushed to my hospital room to be put on emergency oxygen and settled with a bit of Demerol. I hadn’t taken enough of the test to accurately figure out what the problem is, so now I have to go back to do it again.

If it wasn’t fore Erin, family and close friend, I don’t think I would be able to do this at all. Ill admit I am so scared right now and I can’t stop thinking of all the pain to come, I have been crying my self to sleep fore the past few nights because of these same thoughts. It’s not only the pain I’m afraid of its having more seizures or worse yet having to stay in the hospital fore another few days. A-bought all I can do now is count my blessings and stay optimistic and trust in god that things will be ok.

Well it’s Sunday morning and I’m waiting to go to church. It’s been a wile 4 me since I have been to church or any thing of the nature. It has really been hard to keep in close contact with god the past few weeks. I mean I admit it I don’t feel a healthy or strong relationship now.
I have been so worked up with Christmas and the New Year and now that they are over all I have been thinking bought is what I’m going to be doing when I get out of high school. I have Erin’s dad helping me with a lot of job issues and Erin supporting every move I make but right now I need find a way of getting back on track with god.